Take a flying leap of faith

I read somewhere that faith is like riding a tandem bicycle. Jesus in the front seat, me in the back. There's no steering in the back, just pedaling.
On this ride, there are nice flat straightaways through beautiful scenery and dark, rough "trails" with lots of ups and downs.
I have a choice: Enjoy the ride, no matter what the scenery, or scream bloody murder the whole way. Recently, I've found something in the middle - crying while laughing nervously.
As Jesus steers our bike down a rocky mountainside heading straight for a cliff, I tell myself God is in control. God never fails. We will not be disappointed. Sometimes I believe it, sometimes the doubt wins.
While I wait to hear about the layoffs, I'm learning that truly trusting God is knowing that my job does not provide my livelihood, God does.
Faith is knowing I'll be OK if I fall off the cliff.

Camp Fear

Generally, I like to keep my most-embarrassing-moment stories to myself, but this one is pretty good. You know those moments of stupidity people tell you you'll look back on and laugh? Even though this one is pretty fresh, I can see the humor in it, even if that laughter comes as I hang my head in shame.
I am not new to camping and I really enjoy "roughing it." I am not an expert, but I've been on many a camping trip and pitched my fair share of tents.
So when Sean and I decided to camp in Sedona for one night, I thought I was pretty prepared: Throw the sleeping bags, tent, some food, water and toilet paper into the truck and we're ready to get away from the things of man.
Sean isn't a big fan of crowds, so I knew official campgrounds were pretty much out, so we went into the wilderness. We decided to drive up Schnebly Hill Road to find a place to camp. We found a lovely little spot that had already been used as a campsite that was just off the road.
We set up the tent, or what I like to call our wilderness condo, (thanks Penny!) and got busy relaxing and dodging pterodactyl-size wasps. After a short nap in the tent, we took a little hike only to find that we were camping across the road from power lines and a cell tower. Seeing evidence of civilization so close to our little home in the wilderness kind of killed the hiking mood, so we headed back to start our campfire.
As we watched the sun set, we noticed a new flying nuisance. We couldn't quite tell what it was at first. Giant moths? June bugs? No, flying roaches. Back to the tent.
After the grossest swarm ever seen, we ventured back out to start dinner. We ate out of cans, had hot cocoa and toasted marshmallows. So yummy.
As the stars began to blaze overhead, our fire wood supply began to dwindle. We doused the fire and headed for the tent to play cards.
As I realized that my eyes would not adjust to the darkness, the panic started to set in.
I started to wonder what kind of animal leaves the giant droppings seen all around our little campsite. The sound of wind blowing through trees was no longer beautiful - it was causing goosebumps of an entirely different sort.
Sean and I tried to explain away all the sounds that surrounded us. I was certain the sounds were caused by something or someone prowling around getting ready to kill us. Sean offered more reasonable explanations, such as moths flying into the tent and the popping sound of the campfire cooling.
As we tried in vain to explain away a sound that was a little too close to the tent for our liking, I heard the most horrifying sound ever.
To me, it sounded like the low growl of a mountain lion. In reality, it was Sean's stomach rumbling.
I don't know if it was the look of terror on my face or tears that started streaming down my face that led Sean to suggest we retreat to the truck, but I was so thankful. So Sean and his cowardly camper slept in the truck.
We drove all the way to Sedona - set up our little camp - and then slept in the truck.
I was so ashamed of myself for not being able to overcome this irrational fear.
We probably got about 15 minutes of sleep that night. Nearly crippled from our attempt to sleep in reclined car seats, we moved back into the tent when the sun came up. Stretching out on the hard, rocky ground never felt so good.
I woke up and started a fire - my first ever and the single moment of pride I would experience on this trip.
We had coffee flavored camp water and untoasted, plain bagels without cream cheese for breakfast. We packed up and left.
To make up for the tent incident we did some trail driving. We went up to Crown King and then took Senator's Highway up to Prescott. It was 60 bumpy miles through gorgeous country.
It made Sean happy, and I was all for anything that would take his mind off of what he called our night of cowering in the car.

Tasty and healthy? I didn't believe it either.

For me, dieting has always meant eating what I consider inedible. If it's healthy, it's not tasty and I'm not interested.
Also, I get weird cravings that last a long time which further complicates dieting. A couple of years ago, I craved chicken taquitos from Someburros every day for a month. Up until my new obsession, I craved french fries from Red Robin. No burger, just the fries. Right now, it's pancakes.
I have never craved salad or water and unfortunately, french fries and pancakes aren't going to help me lose weight.
Next best thing: I found a healthy-ish pancake recipe the other day.
It's one of those tricky mom recipes - you know the kind that substitutes applesauce for sugar? I was skeptical, but the ingredients didn't sound like a terrible combination, so I whipped up a batch.
SO YUMMY.
Five pancakes is 211 calories without syrup, which is fine because syrup would make it too sweet.
They were even good cold.
The magazine in which the recipe appeared has a bunch of healthy recipes, making Sean a happy boy now that dieting doesn't mean every meal is some variation of chicken and rice.
This magazine has saved our diet (for now).

Silver Dollar Oat Pancakes
From: "Taste of Home" magazine
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup quick-cooking oats
1 1/2 tsp sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup cinnamon applesauce
2 tbs butter, melted

In a large bowl, combine dry ingredients. In a small bowl, beat the egg, buttermilk, cinnamon applesauce and butter; stir into dry ingredients just until moistened.

Pour batter by 2 tablespoonfuls onto hot griddle coated with cooking spray; turn when bubbles form on top. Cook until second side is golden brown. Serve with syrup.
Yield: 4 servings.

Random photo of thing (agave?) growing in my backyard. It sprouted this shoot with tons of flowers on it a couple of weeks ago - thought I would share.

Rub some dirt on it

There's a commercial featuring Peyton Manning that shows him in a coffee shop when a barista burns himself with steam from the espresso machine. Manning tells him to shake it off and rub some dirt on it. I love this commercial. It makes me laugh because it reminds me of something my dad would say.
Since seeing this commercial, I've always wondered if rubbing dirt on it would work.
I sort of got an answer this past week when Sean's friend Roger came to visit.
Sean and Roger spent most of the week driving on trails and trying to get the truck as muddy as possible.
On Roger's last day in town we drove to Prescott, Jerome and Sedona. We didn't take the quickest route (I-17) but took the way through Wickenburg. It was a beautiful drive through snow-capped mountains.
We ate lunch in Prescott, walked a bit through Jerome and did some trail driving in Sedona.
I have a new favorite sound after taking this road trip: the sound of Sean giggling (almost maniacally) as he drives through giant puddles of mud. As each drop of water and mud hit the truck his giggling would get a little louder.

Sean drove through this puddle four times. It was just that good.
While we were up there it snowed.
Playing in the mud didn't fix the economy or make our financial situation any better, but for a day the anxiety disappeared.

Dependence: Another thing I'm not good at

Things have improved since my last post - not much, but some.
Sean got work and received payment today. Thank God.
We can make it through another month.
I've heard and said that sentence so many times this past year, but I think I finally get it. Sean's work is manna. It comes when we need it and we only get as much as we need to survive.
We will make it through this month and next month and the month after that because the Lord provides.
I completely understand the Israelites who tried to gather up as much manna as they could and save it for later. I know God won't forget about us and our needs, but how long can I count on this miracle to last? Really depending on God for one's livelihood is probably the scariest thing ever.
But things are OK. We are OK.
The new year's resolutions are going well, probably because they're the only things I can control. I cannot make money appear in our bank account. I cannot make my company spare me or anyone from layoffs, furloughs or pay freezes. I cannot create work for Sean.
But I can make myself read. I can make myself not eat my weight in chocolate cake.
I have kept up with my Bible reading.
I haven't blogged much because I haven't had anything nice to say, so I took mom's advice and didn't say anything at all.
I knitted a few baby hats which is slowly helping to decrease my yarn stash.


I started to refinish a table. I found a gallon of paint in the perfect robin's egg blue at Walmart. Such a lucky find. After I do another coat of blue I'm going to paint it white then sand it down in spots to reveal the pretty blue.


Maybe taking on so many resolutions wasn't such a bad idea. Doing all this stuff has helped keep my mind off of the waves of sadness and rage that have made me want to hit things while crying. I have to keep reminding myself that there is good and I will force myself to find it every day.

Worst. Day. Ever.

I totally jinxed my day.
It started out so well and I stupidly acknowledged it. I woke up feeling good, got some good cuddle time with the hubby and I didn't have anything important planned for the day. I figured I would do some laundry and read. A nice relaxing day.
I sat down at the computer to check my e-mail and to read the Bible when the phone rang.
A friend from work called to let me know that our corporate bosses thought we needed some time off. In fact we should take a whole week - unpaid. That's right, it's furlough time.
Then Sean gets an e-mail that the one potential job he's had in months fell through.
We can't go to the International Builders Conference in Las Vegas, the last best hope of finding work to save Sean's company, because we can't afford it.
Then I found out that I can't take paid vacation time until April - just in time for the next round of layoffs I'm sure.
I needed to bring my blood pressure down. I thought about knitting, but was afraid to pick up pointy sticks on such an unlucky day. I decided to read instead - only to find out that the copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix I purchased is defective. Chapter 24 ends on page 542. The next page is 399 putting me in the middle of a chapter I read five chapters ago. The errant pages continue up to page 446 and the book doesn't pick up where it's supposed to.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! YOU HAVE TO BE F-ING KIDDING ME!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I give up.
I would go to bed, but all of this happened before 9 p.m.
I hope I wake up with a migraine tomorrow. It may be a sign that the day won't completely suck. If not, I may have to punch Sean in the face - just to be on the safe side.

All (and I mean everybody) aboard!

Yesterday Sean and I got to be tourists in our own city.

The light rail started service a couple of days ago, so we decided to drive out to the closest end of the route and ride it all the way to the end and back, stopping in Tempe for some lunch. The ride one way is supposed to take about an hour so we brought books.

When we got to the northern most station we saw a line literally a mile long.

Not wanting to feel like we were waiting in line for a ride at Disneyland we drove to the next station. The first train that came by was pretty full and we had to stand. We got off at Central and Camelback to check out some of the art they had at that station and hoped the next train would have seats. The next train was even more packed and seemed to have the heat on so we got off at the next stop. The next train was just as full and this one had one of the chattiest guys I've ever encountered. I found out he rode the train from Mesa, his sister had red hair and that he used to build houses. Good thing Sean remembered that we had something to do at the next stop: get off and wait for another, quieter train.

The next train, that arrived at least 30 minutes later, reminded me of riding the New York subway during rush hour. The only difference is that in New York people get off at each stop. I don't know how, but every time we stopped more people got on until Sean and I were smashed up against the door. The air was on but with all the people it was like a sauna.

The ride back was lovely. We had seats and I got to read.

Once the light rail's novelty wears off I'm sure it will be a much nicer experience.

Yesterday we were part of the problem, and to all the legitimate commuters, I apologize.

Not wanting to look like total tourists (and because Sean would have disowned me) I didn't take pictures of us on the train, but on our walk to the Cornish Pasty Co. for dinner we saw a wonderful holiday display I wanted to share.

I bet these guys have the Barack Obama commemorative plate prominently displayed in their home.